Should I stay or should I go? (it's better if you sing it! ha!)

crazy contrasts. it seems like i'm split down the middle today. actually, it seems that way most everyday. It's a familiar feeling really. well, feelingS, that is. joy and sadness. certainty and fear. excited and devastated. longing to go and longing to stay. craving both work and rest, closeness and solitude. Today it's driving toward a weekend with Theologian Husband for rest, inspiration, and a little work. makes me happy. And  from driving away from the the sacred ground and the five chics finally all back under my wings. And on mother's day weekend, no less. makes me wonder....should I stay or should I go?
As I was sharing this dilema with a friend on the phone as we traveled over the floody waters of the mississippi, she asked me who was watching the children while we were gone. Well, of course it's Theologian Grandad and Businesswoman Grandmother who retired the minute her grankids moved to town. My sweet friend chuckled and reminded me that this time last year Grandmother would have LOVED nothing more than to have her grankids stay with her on Mother's day weekend instead of being 7,000 miles away. No better gift for her. ah, yes. of course. rest my heart, and enjoy the weekend away.

Wrinkles and Sprinkles

Came home from my "mayday" to find my kitchen filled with young friends who needed a "momma" to rescue them with some last minute party plans. We threw open the windows, turned on the music, tied up some aprons, and the sweet goodies starting flying! I had guests running in and out and didn't even care that my the living room was filled with shoes, bags, mail, sweaters, a violin, and laundry piled high on the formal dining room table. I didn't once yell for everyone to hurry and pick it all up before "guests" came. And I didn't spend half the afternoon apologizing for the mess (okay, so I mentioned it a time or two, but that's an improvement.) I was just just plain fun. We rolled cookies and talked about my first loves, and how I met and married Theologian husband. we were up to our ears in cupcake icing while we talked of ideas, and ideals, and wishes for the future. We straightened out a few life "wrinkles" while we were putting on sprinkles. We laughed about our June Cleaver-ishness. And it was good. It reminded me of a post from last year that I wrote in response to an independent young girl who would never dream of being a homemaker becuase she wanted to live and interesting life and influence the world. I thought of her today.

Repost from Spring 2010--
Chopping, chillin', grating, giving,  laughing, learning, inventing, reading, relaxing, washing,  writing, singing, sauteeing, blending, praying, peeling, preparing, bonding, baking, cooperating,  creating,  asking, arranging, slicing, surprising, dicing, debating, decorating, washing, waiting, teaching, tasting, discipling,  drying, organizing, opening,  sharing. The KITCHEN!  As our family usually hangs out in the center of our home, our friends feel at home there, too.  The other day young gal friend said (much to her own surprise)..... "You know, I've been thinking about something. I think 'KITCHEN LIFE' could be VERY interesting!"

Ha, you feminists who say being a homemaker is a deadend, disappointing drudgery!  We find it "QUITE INTERESTING! 

Our Mayday!

Mayday! Mayday! a distress signal. a sign to others that there's someone in need of rescue. a cry from someone drowning. we are sinking! WE are sinking. this i already knew. we've been flailing our arms furiously keeping our head above waters in the many storms that have come. but bodies tire of fighting the waves. if for one second we let our minds lose focus or our arms rest, we are sinking again. today we are crying mayday!   Perfect timing...it's May. school's end. winter is gone. weather is forbidding. trauma has passed. spring is here and summer is coming. Healing is coming. we cry for a rescue so we can come up to breathe. and then enjoy the gift of life. help us breath today. and laugh. and cry if we need to.  and help us to do this every day of May!
         Today....museum, park, and lunch with mom and grandma.  a perfect MAYDAY!

SACRED GROUND

SACRED GROUND. stepping onto campus felt like we were walking on sacred ground. Feet stepping onto grass already green, where our feet had just left ice and snow one day before. the warm air hit our faces, a welcome comfort from the biting cold. inhale. exhale. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath; taking it all in. Then to open  my eyes again and see all things familiar. We were home -- well, whatever that means for us. that day it was home -- the place of memories, of foundations, births, death, youth, love, grace, learning, childhood, generations. What made it so sacred? our alma mater. place of commitment. grandad's 35 years. familiar buildings. no, it was that the feet of our five little ones would be walking through the same grass and riding their bikes on the same paths as their daddy did when he was their age. Amazed at the sacred moments God had given us as He brings life full circle. giving roots and a sense of stability to kids who live lives of transition. being in the place that has always been for the family who knows very little of the word ALWAYS. I suppose there is really no ALWAYS even to this home, as we'll only be in the house for a year, but this place, this neighborhood, these streets string together moments, days, and years, and give a feeling of security. And SECURITY is a sacred word. Knowing that God has been in this place with you, and your father, and your father's father. Stepping onto this sacred ground brought with it a sense of wonder of what God had planned for the next page in the journal of our lives here.