Recently, my husband and I were sharing a meal together with friends, and the subject of parenting and marriage came up. My husband said, "I think that the reason MY parents had such a successful marriage and family is that the just accepted the idea of an imperfect family." Wait...What?? (SOUNDS OF SCREECHING BRAKES HERE!!) I asked him to clarify. "So you are saying that they KNEW and accepted the fact their family would be imperfect and were satifisfied to just do the BEST they could?" I. CAN'T. EVEN!! For some reason it just HIT my like a ton of bricks. It seriously took my breath away! It was one of THOSE moments for me! Let me get this straight....we are seriously allowed to NOT freak out and feel like a failure if our family, our kids, our parenting, our mealtimes, our attempts at family devotions, our drive to church on Sunday mornings, our holidays, and our vacations are not PERFECT? Really!?!?!?!?!?! Why didn't someone tell me this along time ago! I mean, sure people say, "oh, no one's perfect." And I surely know that I'm not perfect. But I really, really thought that's what were shooting for each day! That every morning we get up and get a second chance to get it right this time...for everything to be PERFECT!
I was so blown way with this news that apparently I had a mortified look on my face. So, he leaned over and laid a comforting hand my on the shoulder and said, "Honey, what' wrong? Is this really NEWS to you? Have I, as a husband and dad, made you feel like our family had to be perfect?" Uhm, NO, I just thought you were an underachiever!! Seriously! I mean, I've wondered why he never joined in my obsessions about trying to create the perfect pinterest birthday parties, and coordinated outfits, and chore charts. I kind of just dismissed it as a "mom" thing. I thought of how often I have run around trying to perfect and tweak every little thing that I see doesn't fit my ideal of perfection for our family. This, of course, is exhausting, disheartening, and frustrating....not to mention what it does to my tender little family members! I've been so put out that he hasn't been as overwhelmed and half-crazed by the task of parenting as I am! I thought, I must have higher standards, or be more spiritual, or love our family more than he did, or he'd worry and stress, and control everyone like I do! But instead he just (read in a willy-nilly nonchalant kinda voice) 'goes about his day, trying to model the Fruits of the Spirit, and approaching each day with a view for what God wants him to do each day!' Oh, well, if we couldn't all be that spiritual!Oh if it could be that easy for all of us!!
If you know our family, you may be thinking..."Duh, Angie, we all knew your family wasn't perfect!" I know! In fact, I have this sign hanging at the end of our hallway. When I hung it up, my teenage daughter said, "Mom, are you trying to console yourself, or convince yourself!" So, it's not that I had just now realized that I wasn't perfect and my family wasn't perfect -- that I knew a long time ago! The NEW news is just how I get to feel about it! This whole new realization has left me quite dumbfounded...and secretly RELIEVED! You see, I'd already come to terms with the fact that we are not the perfect family. I was delusional for awhile; then came child #3, #4, and #5! That was the time in life that I felt like I"d been benched from the Varsity Team. I came to grips with that fact that we'd would NEVER have it all together, and I'd begrudgingly accepted the fact that I had moved down to the B Team, the Jr. Varsity! I struggled with wanting to push rewind and try again to make it perfect, and do things differently. I secretly thought if I just practiced hard enough, or perfected a new strategy that I'd be able to join the A Team again -- with all the cool parents, whose kids were looked perfect, acted perfect, and changed the World as a result of their perfect parenting!
But on this day, sitting in a Taco Bell in Ohio, hearing my husband describe his family....I had an epiphany. There is no B team! Just imperfect people in an imperfect family, serving a PERFECT GOD!! And I can even be PROUD of that!! PERFECTION is not even what we are striving for! Reliance on God is the name of the game. There are not Varsity Families! We ALL get a participation ribbon just for showing up everyday and giving it our best!! And that is the kind of league that FUN for everyone!! I finally GET IT!! (not perfectly, of course ;-)! I'm sure I"ll have to be reminded again!) What a relief! And what an impact that's going to have on my TO DO List for tomorrow!
Be PATIENT.
Find JOY.
Give GRACE.
Offer MERCY.
Show LOVE.
Have FUN!
Have FUN!
And it won't matter if my task list, or my dinner table, or my kids behavior is perfect. I will truly believe God when he says to me....
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. I Corinthians 12:9
